Smile

Michael Jackson : Smile

(A tribute to Charlie Chaplin taken from the stage version of "Smile")
Words Written by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons.
Music Composed by Charles Chaplin.
Produced by David Foster and Michael Jackson.

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile...
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile

I really love this song..whenever i'm sad i will listen to this and it really makes me feel better. Eventhough its hard to smile but the words really meaningful to me when i listen to it.

After midterm

After EMI paper, feel so relief..the question too simple until i can't do but the question with the highest marks i think i can do perfectly..lol.Went dinner with yaya n alvin, eating pizza. 3 of us really full after that,then we chit chat since so long we never meet n outing together.

Now it't time to get close to the laptop again..hehe..play games and of course fb.

Circle of life

3 am in the morning...

I'm still unable to sleep eventhough my eyes are closed. Class at 8 a.m. What else to do? Everything is prepared for tomorrow. I decided to read chapter 1 notes since midterm is around the corner. Normally that trick will make me sleep right away but how come it's not working now ??

Finally I am sleeping (i guess tidur-tidur ayam)

I woke up even before my alarm rings.

I'm late approximately 10 mins late for class ( wasn't that bad)..the lecturer just about to start the lecture. She gave some good news which our class will be cancelled on thursday for the next 2 weeks and the bad news is good luck for midterm. Reminders not make me aware but makes me scared.

Last night..

After studying in library my a friend of mine, it's time for dinner. Met my father's old friend or should i say ex-colleuge. Then drag another friend..SO it's like a reunion to them. Quite nice listening to old times experience with some jokes. Men on my right talking about work mostly...women on my left counting grandchildren..ouchh! I guess thats the circle of life..when they were young the look for partner and get married and have kids and unfortunately now waiting for grandchilren. IT could be my circle of life to but it isn't my time yer and i hope they could understand that marriage is not everything. It's their mentality makes them like that.

However, my life has to move on no matter how they look at it and i know that i'm always different from others.

Someone annoying

Most of the time i feel annoyed with someone...is it just me or they are just annoying. I'm willing to help them but when i need help they just dissappear. Somehow others like them so what can i say, i can't complain it to anyone...just take it for like another 2-3 trimesters then i don't have to see their face anymore. Today they annoyed me alot and i feel like cutting them into pieces. I hate last minute work and i don't really have to go with their timetable, just because they have some plans this weekends they wanna make me slows down my work. Come on, its assignment,how when start working already the boss says monday is the dateline...dare to say can i submit on tuesday just because they have plans on weekends. When i have plans always people disturb, i just take it easy but why can't they help me when they have plans. I'm trying my best to like "you" but there's always flaws there so i can't. Its just weird that others did not annoys me like "you" do.

I'm always wondering how to make people listen to me because whatever i say most of the time being ignored. I realize that I am nobody that's why nobody care to listen to what i say although what i say might change many things. Thanks to anyone who does listen to me, i appreciate that they care for my voices..

What a sleepy day

teach Maths and Science in Bahasa Malaysia

Today my class at 4.30pm...feel so lazy to go but i decided to go. Class today was very informative. For the past weeks i feel very lonely and my life kinda empty..i tried to add up more activites to my schedule, one of it is to get fit and active. I went jogging quite frequently compare last i never go jogging. I watch alot of martha stewart's show and alot of things i wanna try to do. Actually i forgot that updating my blog is actually of it. Currently i'm confused about my final year project...still considering the lecturer. Anyway that was all about me.

Another current issue i wanna share is the government will change back to teach Maths and Science in Bahasa Malaysia effective 2012. Before this i did hear romours about it but i hope they won't change. What happen to vision 2020 if simple thing studying in english also they don't want. I hope our government will change the decision.

Poadcasting...

Today was abit relaxing after maths paper this morning. Believe it or not 3 papers in 2 days done just like that leaving the headache...fear...tense before taking the exam. I just got to know from a friend that actually it is allowed to complain if the schedule having 3 papers in 2 days. Anyway i went through it already..hopefully everything will be fine. I slept the whole evening and re-energized myself. Get ready to prepare for the next paper.

Despite all the tense during week exam, i do feel lonely in between. There are times that i tried not to think about those things but i failed. There are times when i know what i want but there are also times when i don't know what I want. Sometimes i feel lost..i know there's no easy things in life but human never satisfy with what they have. Thinking about what i have it's kinda tough because i don't really see it. I need others to tell me what i have that they don't have. If i look back 3 years ago..completed my diploma and most of us go their own path. Some goes find jobs, some further the studies which i did, and my best friend got married.I can't describe how lost i am when i was in beta year. I was alone..not used to it. Even after i got back from cyberjaya i still can't cope with the new environment. I feel that there are still memories around campus that never realy leaves me. I tried to be strong, find new friends doesn't matter a true friends or friends with benefits...and try to smile to people which i seldom do before. Anyhow all that makes me who i am today. Some friends said that i'm changing and I know i have changed but certain things never changed.

Now, i'm back on track...by next year i'll be graduating,hopefully everything goes well. Since everyone keep asking when do i finish studying. I'm so sick if it, do they think its easy. All they know is keep asking when i'm going to get married. It seems like most of my cousins already have their own family and some going to have own family. Good for them, it's their time. Not everybody so lucky can get what they want and I am different from others. I'm a late bloomer and i'm still learning about life. I need to find my dreams and owns the world.

I hope i can see the future.

Weather so hot

Today i submit my assignment early before my tutorial because i don't want to think about it anymore. After class meet my fren, she after muet speaking test so she tells me some tips. Then go to library meet other frens who give me bad news about assignment..but i already submitted what. Feel lazy to think and the weather so hot make me headache..went back home,i skipped evening class also since i'll be staring at the lecturer without knowing what is happening. Anyway, preparing for tomorrow, ticket,passport,water,video,letter,everything checked..just make sure i never sleep. My laptop will company me. Listening to oldies songs..nice :-)

Busy day

Today was a very bad day but i guess i end it quite nice since i eat machi. Firstly assignment..everything last minute i don't know how to cope with it,yet still another assignment to go. In about 2 weeks is final exam, i also got muet test speaking on may 13..hopefully everything goes well. Adding to may bad day today, i woke up late this morning and i can't find my specs. Actually i feel regret going to class also, the lecturer discussing past year paper but i can't see..my eyes got problem. When i use contact lens it was better. Then my car keys split into 2 separating the keys and the alarm button. Just i press then i went inside the car it's gone. luckily only inside the car. The last tutorial class was ok although i don't understand but mr. jason was giving so much advice to us..lol. Thank you :-)

Just now someone call me talking about his brother gone loose his job sound so sad telling his problem. My answer was simple "get help from ur gf". Since the brother wasn't really nice to me so why do i care. Mind ur own business..at this time where's ur so called perfect gf?? U don't like me for no reason i also don't like u. When ur at the top u forgot others go enjoy with ur gf and say no money..what goes around comes around.

Spoil my mood only listening to all that..i'm already happy eating machi..

Bored

Holidays=bored.

Stay at home doing assignment and my mother is working. Feel lazy to go out. Since all my frens went back hometown...Non-stop i watch one tree hill. Whole day in front of my laptop,thats my life. Sometimes when i go out can be lonely too so i rather stay at home and save money for my trip. Hope it come true because i want to shopping. When i go shopping i feel happy. Anyway still long way, now cracking my head with this MATLAB...who is responsible inventing this MATLAB i don't know..make my life sucks. Everyhing also use MATLAB.

1 hour class

Today was the last day of mr. diwakar's class...he already completed all the syllabus. It's only 1 hour class then went to library with yaya and alvin doing assignment and we talk alot in library..lol. Around 4 something i pick Ina at her house. On my way..there's a motorcyclist who i can stupid or maybe blind. I already give signal to the left but i couldn't turn to the left before i can see from the mirror he's on my left and i know he wanna go straight. What if i just turn without looking at mirror, most probably he will be dead. Typical 'mat motor' who scold me back. When those type of people gone change..??still a question mark to that. If you're wrong admit it la why wanna scold back...sighh..Anyway i don't want this stupid 'mat motor' spoil my outing,Ina and I went to melaka mall, we bought some bread and drind ice blended. After that walk around,finally i bought purse then we go to jusco. We got crazy in sinma, of coursela girls stuffs. Feels like wanna buy everything..lol. After that check out some oldies song and go back to the real world..

Sunny and cloudy day

Seems like the weather keeps changing nowadays..one minute its sunny one minute its cloudy. Same goes to my mood. Stay at home feel bored when go out need to spend. Why can't be in the middle..lol.

Yesterday outing was not that good due to some reason so called always happen if we take bus on friday. I don't really now about it because i rarely take bus to travel. Wanna play bowling there is a tournament and no nice movie to watch. The day doesn't go well. Even today i don't feel like seeing anyone especially the eldest generation, hate when they ask about the same thing, finish study already?when wanna get married? So i just pretending i was sleeping, plus there is a grandmother not exactly my grandmother who's not that friendly because she talk "ikut sedap mulut je". As i know many people quite pissed of with her but they just ignore because we are younger. That doesn't mean she always right. She also won't know that she's so annoying. I don't like to be hypocrite. If i like that person then u can expect good treat from me if not so sorry I'm not the tyoe who will please others especially the one yang suka jaga tepi kain orang like the maid beside my house. When i'm outside always look at me like wanna eat me, maybe she wanna talk..oohh please take care of that baby who always crying which basically that is your job rather than menyibuk hal orang. Maybe i'm not that nice as u can see but im not gedik ok like someone trying to create conversation with my father. Just don't disturb my life.

After this need to study for the next midterm...sigh..

My best friend's wedding

Today i went for my best friend's wedding...feel happy but still thinking about coming midterm paper on monday. My friends from cyber can even read notes while waiting,although they are smarter than me. Anyway today's theme is red and everything is read...Later got kenduri in my cousin's house and it means eat more :P

Farah and Fiza

With my friends from cyber

Farah menari ape :P

Fitri and Farah

Hope they live happily ever after.

March 7

It's just turned 7..thats mean i'm getting older. This time i choose to stay at home and study...sounds pathetic but its ok i'm waiting for the right time. As long as i'm happy then it will be fine. This year so not a good time for anything. Seems like i screwed up most of the thing but anyway life has to go on. After so long i didn't blog so many changes around me including my neighbourhood. Now my place no more quiet in fact it becomes opposite. On my left baby crying almost all the time and on my right a big family with doctors inside. In case i fall sick can get help next door. Anyway thats not the main thing here...its about the neighbour's son name Hafiz. Coincidently he has the same name with my brother and same age. Nice to talk to him because he's a funny guy. When i talk to him it reminds me of my brother, last time i used to imagine how could it be if my brother is normal. So far i haven't call him 'Hafiz'..because thats just me, i always take time to get comfortable with people before i can call them. Just now i was talking with my mother about him and i found that she also think about my brother when she hears the mother calling him. Its sad but still memories of ny brother will never fade away. I'm sure my father will have the same feeling just that he never show it. I miss him so much..i will change anything for him to be here with me,its so lonely without him..but I know God loves him and he's in a better place anyway.Al-Fatihah.

February 7...

7 is definitely my favourite number, my brother and i was born on 7 too..recently it becomes more special..on this date my cousin brother abang ngah get married. Exactly 27 years ago it happened to be my parents special day too. So we are celebrating 2 couples on february 7, 2009. It is sweet that my father still keep their invitation card on that day. I always thought and i was told that normally women are the one who cares about those things and they can remember dates easily and men tends to forget special dates. Anyhow my father proved it's wrong (but i think applies to some men only :P )

bersanding again..lol

we got cake here :)

with my family..so blue..

Anyway..the wedding day goes on smoothly with sword barrel...it's interesting since my cousin brother and his wife are police they made it differently. It is the first time in the family and everybody stop doing their work when they walk under the swords.

starts walking through



-the end-

January 7

Today is just another day that i thought i would just stay at home hiding myself from the world outside. Even i have a new neighbour beside also i haven't meet them. I only can hear baby crying most of the time and it's torturing to my ear since my mind is already in a mess,too much noise will definitely destroy my brain. Anyhow it seems like i'm not interested to know them for now, is it true we need our neighbour?? For all this while there's no one here, no neighbours..it's quite normal for me...if i call for help also nobody will hear. So, do i need them now??I'm just tired that when i need someone, no one is there but i'm always there for people in need..sounds unfair.

I'm sorry it doesn't goes well because i'm angry with the baby crying..my friend said who knows in the future she maybe a singer or whatever..i don't care anyway. I also have the thinking what if in future my daughter or son crying like that..oh no!!too early to think...way too much to think..sounds annoying. I need a break from this life because i'm not happy.

Anyway how i look this morning?

Is that a real smile or just a fake one?

I think i'm getting more chubby,is it because i eat chewing gum or because my eating habit these days...i don't know.

Anyway i decide to go out with my cousin, we went to mcd so that she can surf the net while i'm studying. I eat spicy chicken mcdeluxe and ina take double cheeseburger(it's small)...total is RM19 and few cents..it's almost RM20..i't getting expensive nowadays, infact very expensive. The price of petrol is going down but how come they still charge more...sighh..but still alot more people come and eat there although economy is bad.

Around 4pm we went home...after talking so much and i feel better. Hopefully after i get home i'm able to study. Reach home, take shower, charge my laptop battery and start blogging. While i'm surfing the net i came across this:

"Breaking Up is Just a Normal Part of Life. So you will deal with it like everyone else. Yes, breaking up is difficult--but very, very few people end up spending the rest of their days with the first boyfriend or girlfriend. Like it or not, this is a normal part of teenage and adult life, and as much as it is painful, is part of life. Sometimes you will be the dumper, sometimes you might be the dumpee. We all have heartbreak. It hurts. But we all survive it, and you (and your ex) will too. Really. "

Is it true?? I'm sure most of doesn't want to go through that in life. I saw most people have go through that around me..so is my turn coming??Is it possible to stay single for the rest of my life. It sounds stupid. Anyway, what i want in life thats what i should know. I don't know where life gone bring me in future, i hope somewhere i can find success. Another 1 year plus too graduate..then starting my life officially as an adult where i must learn to earn myself and be able to buy things for my mother and bring her around the world..lol..she should know that i always say i will bring her.

Btw, today is january 7..means another 2 months i'm getting older..lol..it's just a number that going up right..everybody grow old somehow. Just hope this year i'l becoming more mature compatible with my age :P

I can't wait to finish my last paper on saturday and i start my hunting for new hp...hehe :)

Bedtime stories

It's been so long i didn't update my blog...time is not on my side. What's going on in my life recently...apart from my new look. New hairstyle...is it true if u wanna start a new leave, we must referesh everything...is't just a mitos for new spirit. Seriously i wanna feel like a new of myself.

before

Recently my hp got problem with the screen and about too weeks without it feels like part of my life is missing( i have to take pictures using my laptop). It happens i overslept due to the stupid phone the shop gave me. I have to skip class on that day. Anyway i'm not feeling good and i did purposely skip some class that i think can catch up myself later. Things doesn't go like i want it to be. Few days ago i went to see doctor and he says i'm healthy but i told him that i need something for my stress because i'm having all the symptoms. He told me to smile because most of the time my face shows that i'm tense. He said life is too short not to be happy. Anyway i told my mother that i have no reason to be happy. I can't even fake a smile. I believe when we are happy, it will glows from the inside and make the person look better. It's the natural beauty.

after

Even when i did facial treatment they give do massage for me and the girl says that i'm tense, because she can feel the muscles on my shoulder tight. I feel good after the treatment :)

I myself can't see the difference but i can feel, anyway i got good feedback from many people so means it works. The only thing im not satisfied is my weight. I've been eating alot since i feel the stress and i don't look good in my clothes now. This trimester break i need to do something with it. I just did my first final exam paper after struggling for about 1 week, i did my best already now it's on the lecturer's hand. Anyway the venue really cold and i'm freezing in there until my brain also freeze. Then i went jusco and eat 'bihun garing' and after that watch bedtime stories. I feel better beacause i manage to laugh out loud without thinking about exam (another paper this saturday). Still got few days to prepare. After movie went back around 4 something then i slept until 8...i'm in deep sleep, the mosquitoes also make noise near my ear i can just ignore but after that my hands all ichy. I wake up also because my mother wakes me up if not i think i'll continue then. After dinner watch tv for a while and online, find themes for my hp since i already get it back.

Right now i'm starting the engine for the next paper but other problems came in. I feel confuse but i don't want to think. Anyhow life has to move on. Songs only can be my friend most of the time. I heal myself by listening to songs. Once again i fell in love with this song because before this i feel bored already. The song is "On and on-by Nick Lachey".

When the darkness finds the night My heart still beat for you In your eyes I see the lie What can I do, I'll try my best to walk away So I don't have to feel the painIt goes on and on, on and on And this emptiness I feel goes on and on On and on As I cry myself to sleep I just can't go on On and on When this love I feel for you is so strong On and on, on and on Why can't I feel your heartbeat next to mine The way it used to beI love that purpose that is so right I need you to see I try my best to walk away But I'll never escape the pain It goes on and on, on and on It goes on and on....