Today is September 22, approximately another 1 week to Hari Raya which means final exam also coming soon. I'm not sure to be excited or not for this Hari Raya but the feeling is going up and down.When i hear any raya songs the feelings mix up together happy and sad at the same time. This time is the 4th year i'm celebrating Hari Raya without my brother. Time passes so fast which means i'm no longer kids and Hari Raya is not as enjoyable like before. Those days were better..anyhow life has to go on.


-miss him-

I can say today already finish all the classes and submit assignment, finally another lab report. Hopefully everything goes smoothly. Nowadays i just wanna be happy for what i am. No point being sad, i guess it will make me grow older faster :P

Life is short, don't waste it. I wish one day i travel the world..it may sound impossible for me but i always dream of it, who knows it may come true. Recently i fell in love with hawaii, the place so beautiful but i guess i save it for "special occasion".

Now i feel happy after laughing so much. Since Dr. Venkata told me about laughing club which the members do is just laugh when they meet. I kinda interested with it, why dont we apply here it might change something. Since its consider regular every year mmu student commit suicide maybe we can change this. When ur happy u won' t think of stupid things, we won't feel stress. Laugh also does not use a lot of muscles on ur face it better than face lifting..

I might consider this club :))

Am I alone in this world??

"Am I alone in this world??"

This question keep on popping in my head and I don't know the answer. I feel isolated from others,i'm struggling to mingle...maybe i don't like to mix around. I tried very hard but still i look stupid to others. Even my mother can't see the difference in me, how far i have change by now. Why she always see other people changes and ignore me. I'm 22 but she treats me like i'm 2. I won't tolerate,even if my fault but i don't think so. She knows i don't like but she pretend like nothing happen. Maybe because i don't follow what she say, it doesn't mean she has to betrayed me. I told her but no difference. If she wants to be like that i will be more stubborn. The loneliness i feel is more than anything, she never try to understand me i'm a teenager who needs attention if she can't give i need to find somewhere else. I may sound like a cruel daughter here but in future i need to be on my feet. She choose not to talk to me then fine i talk to someone else. I don't want to be selfish.

Recently a student in campus who happen to be my classmate suspected comitted suicide, his body was found at jetty near holiday inn. He has the look, intelligent, rich...which the whole package for a perfect guy but he chose to end his life. Whatever reason he choose to end his life that is his choice and we don't know the real story. Everybody has problems but the difference is how people deal with it. The moral of the story here, is this the solution? Almost every year got student committed suicide. Is it student life so hectic make then do the decision or the problem in their family. I have problems too and sometimes i don'tknow how to deal with it.

Sarah

Miss my sarah.

I HATE SOMEONE

I hate u...why i can't tell u i hate u. Why everyone care for u.Since we were small u always wanna compete with me. U wanna make sure i wont be better than u. Including love, u take everything from me. I have no one else. U always try to make my life miserable. Maybe it's lucky that u always get what u want in life but i hate that it effects my life totally. Who are u to judge me what i want to do, who i want to choose. Ur not perfect though. I'm sick of it. I feel wanna go away from everyone and make new life, meet new people. So that u will have all the attention with no worries that i'm exist. If only my grandmother still around she won't let me feel this way. In this u lost to me, u have less love from her. She love me so much,even until her last breath she ask for me. Now also i can feel that ur taking my mother's love, why suddenly she care about u. Who the hell are u??Maybe i'm invisible that people can't see me. It's ok i let u have all the limelight that u wanted until there no more u can take from me. I know nobody can understand why i hate u so much but something that grows inside me getting bigger as i said since we were small. When it will explode i don't know. When the time come it's gone hurt either me or other people.

The truth

In everyday life telling the truth is not easy. The truth sometimes can be hurt but :-

if u like someone tell the person,
if u hate someone tell the person,
if u don't know don't act like u know everything,
if ur not capable find help,
if u fail face it,
if ur sad don't hide,

as a human I can't escape from lying too,I'm afraid people look down at me so sometimes I lied, most of the time to hide the real me.Especially when i'm sad, i tend to hide it inside and that makes my problem worse.I could't change it. Sometimes i feel no one to talk to. The best thing is keep to myself since nobody can understand, even a counsellor can't help me.Normally iwill run away from people because i don't feel confident with myself.I'm not comfortable so i won't be myself.Nowadays i learn to tell the truth,especially how i feel but anyhow sometimes i still hide it.