HELP ME??

I'm crawling in the dark searching for myself, looking for the strength that I have. Everybody goes through a dark life but I always ask why I have to go through hard life. I'm not rich it's ok but I hate it when I'm being humiliated and people compare me with others. Well, I'm not perfect like everyone else. I've been trying to forget and forgive. Maybe it's true that human can forgive but human can't forget what has happened. Anyhow both are hard for me. I want to let go the hate feeling that kills me silently, I don't know how the hatred feeling grows inside me. Well I don't hate anybody for no reason and I don't hate everybody. Maybe I was jealous but this does not apply to everyone. There must be a limit to be patient. Why people have to show that they are bigger and have everything and make me look like a loser. You are not a God anyway. You are just lucky that everyone is behind your back and make you look like you're the perfect person. That's the word "lucky". Other people have to work hard to be "someone" but people don't look at that "someone". Things that growing can't be stopped. It's like the cancer cells that kills silently. It's the matter how we control it. From the outside people think that I'm happy with what I have. There's no way we can judge a book by it's cover. Human never satisfies anyway. I don't know who to speak to so I choose blogging. Thanks to Alvin. When others don't understand how I feel it really hard to explain, then just let go. I want to be a better person but the path is really not easy. Why you have easy path? Why you always win?WHY?WHY?WHY?Why I can't hear anything about you. I can accept other people who's bigger than me or I can say bigger than you. Maybe because you don't deserve it. I'm sorry I can't faced you because I'm not hypocrite like you who being nice in front of me showing that you care but you don't. I hope I understand how others take it but I can't. All I'm asking stop stealing my mother from me. Maybe my mother did it for the sake of relative and your family. OMG! why have to pay it through you?? Why not someone else who I take as my sisters ?? That's I don't understand. Every excuses you gave is acceptable but not mine. It's simply not fair. I really really hope the hatred growth inside me that you created can be amputated...Ouchh?it's not a leg anyway. "Monster are not born, our words created them" quoted from the drama Frontpage. I think it's true because many people who did bad things not because they are bad but they can't handle with themselves, trying to be someone else. In the drama the guy created another individual of himself who's perfect to fight bad things people said to him,because people look down at him even his own mother. Girls he love hates him because he's ugly. See how words turn human to be monster. I don't want to be like him end up killing people..I'm still insane. I just wanna express how I feel.